Born in the imaginary village of Brigadoon, Elijah wrote the first two books of his proposed trilogy concerning The Witch and Jet Splinters, whilst imprisoned in a carpetless, flea ridden, Victorian manor, smoking inferior cigarettes and existing on lashings of hot, Yorkshire tea and anything containing chocolate (usually Tunnock's Teacakes).

May these workings be an inspiration to all of ye with lacking diets, smoker's coughs and a meagre income.

Never don't believe.